Brennan Post 10/17/09

I Might Love Myself.

a poem by Brennan Utley

Slippery waves of sprints make my lungs ache, as my feet pound the ground beneath me. I hammer my purpose into the concrete taking course breaths, in and out, feeling the dirt burst through my trickling blood stream. Awkwardly beating my tennis shoes into the ground, I continue my clumsy run toward all the hope in America. Visions of sugarplums that were promised to me in the pains of my youth dance through my brain like polaroids. The images of rainy Sundays and dusty truths shine throughout my mind as I struggle to hold onto the memories gliding through my frame. I pile them into the arms of my conscience, as I continue my sprint, the weight growing as I hustle away. Lights blaze past, and I can almost make out faces in the yellowish blurs that pass me. Some smile, while others harshly grumble in discontent. They might all be full of smiles, but they might also have their faces downcast in disappointment at my very being.

What is a man to do in the face of this confusing blur of duality?

I stop my running, forgetting the goal, forgetting the sprinting. The lights still hover above me, but the faces have disintegrated, faded away like ghostly apparitions. Confusion begins crawling over me, giving me goose bumps, and making me feel oh, so positive and negative.

I swear I saw the faces in the bleeding lights. I swear they were either smiles or frowns, and I swear that I must find out the mystery of their existence. Can I only see them when I run? But if they truly watch me run I will feel so judged, and no one likes feeling judged.

Unless it’s the smiles, right?

But it might not be the smiles.

It might be the frowns.

I guess I’ll never know for sure.

I guess I’ll just start running again. I doubt I’ll ever be able to translate the muddled faces into a concise image, but at least I’ll have a reason to run. Didn’t I have a purpose before?

Maybe, maybe not, but I’ve got a new goal now, and it’s me.

Isn’t that sickening.

Zane Post 10-14-09

Do you believe in magic?

Just a thought.....

Brennan Post 10/8/09

This is a post.

I haven't posted much in a while.

I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing with these words.

I'm simply stringing them together, making them something new.

Something no has written before in the same sequence.

The words will leave you with some sort of message or feeling.

You'll return to your daily life.

Whether you are affected or not is unknown.

But the fact is that you read it.

And nothing can change that.

So here I am typing again.

In a few months I'll pour over these words,

Astounded by their beauty and complexity.

It will feel like so much has happened in that moment,

It will seem like I was aware of so much.

I'll understand it all.

But I'm here now.

Not there.

And it doesn't feel like I'm doing anything with these words.

Just tying out letters that become words and sentences and phrases.

I guess when you think about it too much thats all words are.

Just letters put together.

And I can't help but think about it right now.

I can't let the phrases take on beauty.

I'll be able to see it soon,

Just not now.

If I could see it now, I probably wouldn't type the words.

So here I am typing again.

Waiting.

Goodnight

Zane Post 10-5-09

I kinda want to talk about an idea that I had a few short weeks ago. I've talked to Brennan about it and he seems to find a bit of truth in it. Weather or not he 100% agrees with it, I'm not sure, and niether do I care really haha.
Just before bed time a few weeks ago, I had thought of an intriguing way of looking at God, especially for those who really have a need to see to believe. As I was walking around my dorm thinking about laying down, I was getting into spiritual mode. All I could think about that night was God. More specifically, I was thinking about why am I so lucky to be able to believe without seeing Him? I'm not saying that because I can believe without seeing that I am somehow "better" or understand more than someone else, thats not what I'm saying at all. But I couldn't help but think about these people and how we are called to reach them as well straight up non-believers. So, I sat and pondered. I was trying to come up with a metaphore about seeing God without physically seeing Him.
Thats when it popped into my head. God is a lot like the internet in many ways. If you truly sit back and think about it, when was the last time you have seen the internet? The basic truth of it is, you and I haven't. Now, we may think we can see the internet... I mean, your obviously on the internet right now as you read my post. But you don't see the internet. Right now you are seeing what the internet can do. We experince what the internet can do, like YouTube, Facebook, and Twitter. Web page after web page is not the internet, it is only something that we use as proof to argue that the internet exists. Much like the Bible and our experiences with the Holy Spirit are our way of saying that God exists. I feel like the mian reason it's easier to say that the internet is more of a solid argument to existance is because of how often it is used by most people on Eatrh... In my opinion.
Now I realise that whats on the internet is not always good, and God is always good. But one thought that came to mind was the fact that human beings dont truly know what good is. Remember the Garden of Eden? the reaseon we are the way we are is because of Satans' deciet on us. Adam and Eve wanted the knowledge of what is good and evel so much that they sinned agianst God to get it... and now the only perception of good that we have is our Bibles, and what our culture tells us... and more times than not, these two things conflict, and they conflict hard.
So why does the internet exist? Why does God not exist? I don't understand. Believing one over the other does not mesh with my brain too well.
I have never seen the internet... and I never will. But I have seen what the internet can do and it's effects on people. I have never seen God... and I eventually will. But I have seen what God can do and his effects on other people as well as my own life. Knowledge is not what I seek, God's love is what I seek... after all, it is the single most usable resource to human beings.


Happy web-surfing...

Zane Post 9-29-09

Nashville 09!

Holy cow, I am so excited for the Nashville 09! road trip this Friday. For those of you who don't know, the Nashville 09! road trip was completely put together by yours truly. Brennan, Brett, and I will be traveling to Roswell, New Mexico via my pickup. The reasoning behind calling the road trip Nashville 09! is this: I liked the name. We aren't going to Nashville, obviously, but to New Mexico, which quite frankly, is in the opposite direction. Our plan is to leave this Friday after classes and sleep in my beautifle truck in Roswell Friday night. Saturday will be our cool day; we are going to spend all day in Roswell doin all sorts of alien, country, stupid, desert, college kid stuff we can possibly emit. We will leave Saturday night and be in at about 1:00 am on Sunday. This trip is gonna dang rock, I tell ya that much. Cheap too! So, hasta ladies and gents... "see ya on the other side of the Universe" as our nieghbors to the west like to say.

Zane Post 9-27-09

Alright, so I'm a little bummed out. I just found out that I only meet one of two requirements to become the Governor of Texas. I have been a Texas resident for at least 5 years; I am not thirty years old though. Turns out, age is the difference here. I've always been told that age aint nothin but a number... I guess not when it come to running for governor huh? However, I am slightly excited. I made a dumb little 1 minute video announcing my "candidacy" and stuck it on YouTube... the next day, I just so happened to have a little look and the Star Tellegram had put the video up on thier web site! Haha! What? Its pretty funny if you think about it. First off, I'm 18, and second off... well I'll just let you see what I "stand" for, haha.

http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fstartelegram.typepad.com%2Fpolitex%2F2009%2F09%2Fis-there-a-new-candidate-in-the-governors-race.html&h=788e2c616a0772b8ae46a9151e859dc8

Aint that a kick?

Alright, there's this dude who lives across the hall from Brennan and me. His name is James and he's a pretty cool dude. Well, whenever James was in high school, he posed in a fundraiser calendar for Irving High School. One day, durring lunch at The Bean, he decided to show everyone at the table his photo as "Mr. April". I nearly spit out all of the food in my mouth when I beheld the image. To see James in a pose like that was almost unbearable, it was just totally unexpected. Anyway, I told him that I was going to get the photo off of Facebook and make it into a video and put it all over the internet. He said, "Oh yea, well I can just delete it right now and you won't get it." Well, he didn't know that I had already saved it to my images on my iPhone. Therefore, here is the film. I hope it isn't one of those "ya had to have been there" kinda things, so I don't wanna hype it too much. But, I'm sure yall can appreciate a funny photo to some music.