Brennan Post 10/17/09

I Might Love Myself.

a poem by Brennan Utley

Slippery waves of sprints make my lungs ache, as my feet pound the ground beneath me. I hammer my purpose into the concrete taking course breaths, in and out, feeling the dirt burst through my trickling blood stream. Awkwardly beating my tennis shoes into the ground, I continue my clumsy run toward all the hope in America. Visions of sugarplums that were promised to me in the pains of my youth dance through my brain like polaroids. The images of rainy Sundays and dusty truths shine throughout my mind as I struggle to hold onto the memories gliding through my frame. I pile them into the arms of my conscience, as I continue my sprint, the weight growing as I hustle away. Lights blaze past, and I can almost make out faces in the yellowish blurs that pass me. Some smile, while others harshly grumble in discontent. They might all be full of smiles, but they might also have their faces downcast in disappointment at my very being.

What is a man to do in the face of this confusing blur of duality?

I stop my running, forgetting the goal, forgetting the sprinting. The lights still hover above me, but the faces have disintegrated, faded away like ghostly apparitions. Confusion begins crawling over me, giving me goose bumps, and making me feel oh, so positive and negative.

I swear I saw the faces in the bleeding lights. I swear they were either smiles or frowns, and I swear that I must find out the mystery of their existence. Can I only see them when I run? But if they truly watch me run I will feel so judged, and no one likes feeling judged.

Unless it’s the smiles, right?

But it might not be the smiles.

It might be the frowns.

I guess I’ll never know for sure.

I guess I’ll just start running again. I doubt I’ll ever be able to translate the muddled faces into a concise image, but at least I’ll have a reason to run. Didn’t I have a purpose before?

Maybe, maybe not, but I’ve got a new goal now, and it’s me.

Isn’t that sickening.

Zane Post 10-14-09

Do you believe in magic?

Just a thought.....

Brennan Post 10/8/09

This is a post.

I haven't posted much in a while.

I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing with these words.

I'm simply stringing them together, making them something new.

Something no has written before in the same sequence.

The words will leave you with some sort of message or feeling.

You'll return to your daily life.

Whether you are affected or not is unknown.

But the fact is that you read it.

And nothing can change that.

So here I am typing again.

In a few months I'll pour over these words,

Astounded by their beauty and complexity.

It will feel like so much has happened in that moment,

It will seem like I was aware of so much.

I'll understand it all.

But I'm here now.

Not there.

And it doesn't feel like I'm doing anything with these words.

Just tying out letters that become words and sentences and phrases.

I guess when you think about it too much thats all words are.

Just letters put together.

And I can't help but think about it right now.

I can't let the phrases take on beauty.

I'll be able to see it soon,

Just not now.

If I could see it now, I probably wouldn't type the words.

So here I am typing again.

Waiting.

Goodnight

Zane Post 10-5-09

I kinda want to talk about an idea that I had a few short weeks ago. I've talked to Brennan about it and he seems to find a bit of truth in it. Weather or not he 100% agrees with it, I'm not sure, and niether do I care really haha.
Just before bed time a few weeks ago, I had thought of an intriguing way of looking at God, especially for those who really have a need to see to believe. As I was walking around my dorm thinking about laying down, I was getting into spiritual mode. All I could think about that night was God. More specifically, I was thinking about why am I so lucky to be able to believe without seeing Him? I'm not saying that because I can believe without seeing that I am somehow "better" or understand more than someone else, thats not what I'm saying at all. But I couldn't help but think about these people and how we are called to reach them as well straight up non-believers. So, I sat and pondered. I was trying to come up with a metaphore about seeing God without physically seeing Him.
Thats when it popped into my head. God is a lot like the internet in many ways. If you truly sit back and think about it, when was the last time you have seen the internet? The basic truth of it is, you and I haven't. Now, we may think we can see the internet... I mean, your obviously on the internet right now as you read my post. But you don't see the internet. Right now you are seeing what the internet can do. We experince what the internet can do, like YouTube, Facebook, and Twitter. Web page after web page is not the internet, it is only something that we use as proof to argue that the internet exists. Much like the Bible and our experiences with the Holy Spirit are our way of saying that God exists. I feel like the mian reason it's easier to say that the internet is more of a solid argument to existance is because of how often it is used by most people on Eatrh... In my opinion.
Now I realise that whats on the internet is not always good, and God is always good. But one thought that came to mind was the fact that human beings dont truly know what good is. Remember the Garden of Eden? the reaseon we are the way we are is because of Satans' deciet on us. Adam and Eve wanted the knowledge of what is good and evel so much that they sinned agianst God to get it... and now the only perception of good that we have is our Bibles, and what our culture tells us... and more times than not, these two things conflict, and they conflict hard.
So why does the internet exist? Why does God not exist? I don't understand. Believing one over the other does not mesh with my brain too well.
I have never seen the internet... and I never will. But I have seen what the internet can do and it's effects on people. I have never seen God... and I eventually will. But I have seen what God can do and his effects on other people as well as my own life. Knowledge is not what I seek, God's love is what I seek... after all, it is the single most usable resource to human beings.


Happy web-surfing...

Zane Post 9-29-09

Nashville 09!

Holy cow, I am so excited for the Nashville 09! road trip this Friday. For those of you who don't know, the Nashville 09! road trip was completely put together by yours truly. Brennan, Brett, and I will be traveling to Roswell, New Mexico via my pickup. The reasoning behind calling the road trip Nashville 09! is this: I liked the name. We aren't going to Nashville, obviously, but to New Mexico, which quite frankly, is in the opposite direction. Our plan is to leave this Friday after classes and sleep in my beautifle truck in Roswell Friday night. Saturday will be our cool day; we are going to spend all day in Roswell doin all sorts of alien, country, stupid, desert, college kid stuff we can possibly emit. We will leave Saturday night and be in at about 1:00 am on Sunday. This trip is gonna dang rock, I tell ya that much. Cheap too! So, hasta ladies and gents... "see ya on the other side of the Universe" as our nieghbors to the west like to say.

Zane Post 9-27-09

Alright, so I'm a little bummed out. I just found out that I only meet one of two requirements to become the Governor of Texas. I have been a Texas resident for at least 5 years; I am not thirty years old though. Turns out, age is the difference here. I've always been told that age aint nothin but a number... I guess not when it come to running for governor huh? However, I am slightly excited. I made a dumb little 1 minute video announcing my "candidacy" and stuck it on YouTube... the next day, I just so happened to have a little look and the Star Tellegram had put the video up on thier web site! Haha! What? Its pretty funny if you think about it. First off, I'm 18, and second off... well I'll just let you see what I "stand" for, haha.

http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fstartelegram.typepad.com%2Fpolitex%2F2009%2F09%2Fis-there-a-new-candidate-in-the-governors-race.html&h=788e2c616a0772b8ae46a9151e859dc8

Aint that a kick?

Alright, there's this dude who lives across the hall from Brennan and me. His name is James and he's a pretty cool dude. Well, whenever James was in high school, he posed in a fundraiser calendar for Irving High School. One day, durring lunch at The Bean, he decided to show everyone at the table his photo as "Mr. April". I nearly spit out all of the food in my mouth when I beheld the image. To see James in a pose like that was almost unbearable, it was just totally unexpected. Anyway, I told him that I was going to get the photo off of Facebook and make it into a video and put it all over the internet. He said, "Oh yea, well I can just delete it right now and you won't get it." Well, he didn't know that I had already saved it to my images on my iPhone. Therefore, here is the film. I hope it isn't one of those "ya had to have been there" kinda things, so I don't wanna hype it too much. But, I'm sure yall can appreciate a funny photo to some music.

Zane Post 9-9-09

Okay... I know I havent done one of these in a while, my bad....

Well, I dont have any awesome, rediculous, or even great stories or things to tell right now. But, I still love the radio station. It's a lot of fun, to me, to be on the RADIO!!! Its exciting really. Theres a lot of stuff that goes into it, ya know? Its not just every 15 minutes i get to talk and say whatever what I want or anything... theres so much more "behind the mic" kinda stuff that listeners dont really know about. So, Im gonna tell you about some of the stuff that goes on! Most of it may not be that interesting to you... but I enjoy it.

1) Its hectic! Man it can get hectic... if you dont like to be timed then you know what I'm talking about. Like I said, all the breaks, at least in the Mornin Music Mix when I've been training, are only 15 minutes or shorter. Now, breaks to me and breaks to you are different. You would think a break is when I would speak... this is not the case. The break for me is when you hear music going on, or anything that isn't me. That's the period of time where I have to write out what I have to say for when I come on, call in information for the station and log it down, pick out songs for the next hour that weren't played at the same hour on a different date, program the songs, program the "commercials", add pauses and stops in-between, and then read over what I have to say because I forget sometimes. And that's only with music... if there is a CD that has to be played, that usually takes a little longer and takes a little more skill with the sound board.

2) Speaking with the right tone is very important. In radio, you dont have an opinion. Especially when it comes to rain. West Texans love rain! I guess it's because they dont ever get to see it or something. So when there is a chance of rain for the day, you better be rejoycing on that microphone to the listeners... because apparently rain is the number one thing people in West Texas wish for when they blow out their birthday candles. It's like a drug here... one thats hard to get i guess. And it's always happy, happy, happy time. Haha, we want the listeners to listen after all. And honestly, do you want to listen to the Clear Eyes guy in the morning? Uh, no.

3) Commitment is a huge deal. I can tell you now, I wont get all my school breaks off. People just always expect the radio to be on... it's just one of those things we take for granted. When was the last time you turned it to 106.1 Kiss FM and absolutely nothing was on.... probably never. Someone is always there. But, it's just something I gotta do, you know? People gotta have their news, weather, updates in politics, sports, music and just noise in the car... or at home... to listen to KACU at home or in the office, just simply go to our home page at KACU.org and click on the listen live link on the left side of your screen to enjoy the most eclectic blend of music to stert your morning off right. That last sentence was satiricle by the way, haha.

So thats that... theres much more I havent talked about, but thats just a taste of Radio.

Brennan Post 9/3/09

First off,

Zane...you need to do a new post, cause I don't want to do one until you do one.

Secondly,

Skim Milk has always has and always will suck. People have been convinced that it's actually milk, when it's really just white watery disgustingness.

Thirdly,

Robots really get treated like crap in movies. They're always evil. Always. Even when you think they're good, they always end up killing everything. No matter what. Why can't they just look cool and shoot really sweet guns like everyone else? I feel bad for robots.

Fourthly,

Slumdog Millionaire sucked. It's probably one of the most predictable movies ever and...it won everything imaginable. What the crap??

Fifthly,

I'm not sure fifthly is a word, is it?

Sixthly,

This is a crazy cool acoustic Arcade Fire song. It's freakin b-e-a-utiful....enjoy...

Brennan Post 8/30/09

Doctor

Brennan Post 8/30/09

Cubical

Brennan Post 8/30/09

Crocodile Paintings

A Great Video

Zane Post 8-26-09

Welcome to the very first of very many Brennan and Zane video productions. This video is quite special... to the both of us due to the fact that it is the very first video we have produced in college. The Director: Mathew Brennan Utley, The Videographer: Brett Rice, and The Featuerd Actor: Zane Davis Goggans. This is a film on a young freshmans' not so accurate guess at what college was going to be like for him and what it is in real life. Now, at the end of the film I do make the comment, "... college just sucks." This however was just an instance of over playing words for the sake of the film to capture the characters full emotion.... I dont really think college sucks... in fact, I LOVE college man!

Keep Abilene Boring, yall. Enjoy the film... which is like a minute and a half...

Brennan Post 8/25/09

Caged Air Balloon

Brennan Post 8/24/09

Funny People Review

So...I know this is a ridiculous statement...I'm very aware of this fact, but that doesn't mean the statement isn't absolutely true. I have to say, Funny People has been my favorite movie of the year so far. Hands down. I have no idea why and it makes NO sense, but it was good enough for me to see it THREE times in theaters. I never do that EVER. It makes no sense to me, so I'm goanna write about it! ALRIGHT! Funny people is the story of George Simmons (Adam Sandler) and Ira Weiner (Seth Rogen), two comedians on opposite ends of the spectrum. George Simmons is a widely successful, and terribly bored, selfish loner that spends most of his time brooding about the disease that is beginning to take his life. Ira, however, is a very unsuccessful yet ambitious comedian who rarely gets laugh and works at a food mart. George discovers Ira after one of his terribly tragic stand up performances, and decides to let him write jokes for him and be his "assistant." Ira jumps at the offer, snatching the opportunity of celebrity and well, cash, but soon finds that George's life is a selfish cluttered mess of fear and self loathing and well...George is dying. Funny People doesn't really sound like funny people, does it? Yet I still laughed at it. Hard. And I was also touched. I see mirrored reflections of myself in both characters. Ira's hopeful spirit, struggling to push George up into a life outside of selfishness and boredom, and also George's self loathing depression that is spiraling out of control, and bringing everyone else down with him. Then (this isn't that big of a spoiler) George isn't dying...and he's forced to ask himself, what now? Where does this life go from here? I'm pretty sure that characters never asked questions like that in Step Brothers or Semi Pro. Funny People is definitely on a higher caliber than both of these films, but still manages to remain a fun and entertaining comedy. The film is 2 hours and 30 minutes long, and will be WAY too long for some people, but I was absolutely engrossed the entire time and wouldn't want the film to be any other way. If it was shorter there would be either less comedy or less character development and heart, and if either of those elements were taken out, the entire film would be ruined. I still have no idea why Funny People was particularly moving to me, because to be honest, 500 Days of Summer was a much better film, but Funny People hits me on a much deeper level. All I can say is that I fully understand the realm that Judd Apatow was attempting to pull me into. I truly cared about the characters that moved throughout the film, broken and bleeding, and yet I also laughed at all the jokes about balls. How strange? I haven't seen The 40 Year Old Virgin, but I have had a chance to see Knocked Up, and it is my opinions that Funny People is 60 times better than Knocked Up. The fact is that Funny People goes so many more places that Knocked Up didn't even attempt to explore, and well, it was a lot funnier too. I can't wait to see Funny People again. Not for the balls jokes, or all the stand up, but for the scenes of warmth and humanity that the film is absolutely riddled with. George and Ira's relationship is not perfect, but it truly is a really beautiful, human example of friendship. Ira's relationship with Daisy (another comedian) is another akward, but human portrayal of romantic interaction between too...funny people. Towards the end of the film Adam Sandler chillingly rips at Ira saying..."Bad career choice...comedy is meant for funny people..." And it is, but it's also here to reminds us about the cracks and damages in all of us, and the fragile balance that keeps us together and I can't held but watch Funny People and be reminded about that, no matter how many times they talk about sex. I intensely suggest Funny People, but like anything, make sure to keep an open mind about it and look for the art in it. I did, and was blessed by the films beauty and humor. Go see it...NOW!

Other movies you should see or at least look out for... (I've only seen a few of them)

500 Days of Summer

District 9 (Maybe)

Inglorious Basterds

Paper Heart

Shutter Island

WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE!!

Taking Woodstock

The Hurt Locker

The Informant

Fantastic Mr. Fox!

Brennan Post 8/22/09

I just saw that zane had posted something about college and I remembered that a couple nights ago I had written some pros about the same subject! So here it goes...

Thoughts About College and This “New Life.”

I entered the gates of Abilene Christian University this week and I’ve carried the weight of the decision through the hallways like a ghost. As the activities pour over me, I glide through the hallways and lecture rooms like a spirit, in awe of the future moments rolling upon me. It’s not that the college is mind blowing or anything, it’s the fact that my bones are growing into adulthood, and the steps I’m taking are moving and moving fast. The uncertainty of it all gets the best of me sometimes. I’ve been alone in the corner of my mind, staring around at the images around me, confused by their complexity and rhythm, and the hopelessness of it all begins to trickle down like boiling lava. The social environment is so frightening and reminds me how spoiled and sheltered I’ve been for the past four years. New faces. New people. New friends. New life. Supposedly. And I’m tapping my fingers on a desk, listening to light music, letting the thoughts flow, and wondering if it will all escape me, and I’ll end up loosing the missing piece to the puzzle of the perfect college experience. Whatever that means. Classes haven’t even started yet. but I sit here, breathing deeply with ignorant depression that will soon be appeased with time and friendship, and I know how stupid my insides have become, but I don’t know any other way to be. This all sounds oh, so sad, but you have to understand, I consume sadness. The inspiration of it all wakes up the psychedelic heart strings in my quivering fingers. Happiness does this too, just as intensely, but I’ve had lots of happiness lately, and really to be honest, I’m tired of it. Same old same old turns cold, no mater how much it burnt your hands at one time. So this terrifying new life that towers over me, casting it’s ominous shadow over my trembling frame, is just as bad and just as good as it seems, and all I can do is wait, wait, and I love it. New faces. New people. New friends. New life. Whatever that means.

Brennan Utley

Zane Post 8-22-09: Ok... So, college.....

Zane: As you all can very well see, Brennan and I just so happen to go college in the most exciting town in all of ever. This town is extremely sought after when it come to settling down to raise a family... and no wonder! The views are amazing... you can literally look out the window of your car and see absolutely nothing for hundreds of miles... or maybe a wind turbine, who knows.

You see, many people would come to Abilene and be bored out of their faces... but i just dont see it that way, you know. I see it as an awesome opportunity to just "get away from... well... literally everything."

To be honest, I have been entirely sarcastic this entire time. Hard to tell huh? You see, Abilene, Texas is so boring that it would drive a college student to the point to where he thinks he has to start a blog just to keep in touch with reality. And whats relitvely funny about the whole ordeal, is that residents of Abilene seem to take pride in bordom! Just yesterday, at chappel, I saw the back of this guys shirt... who i expected to be an upperclassmen... and it read "Keep Abilene Boring". I thought this was a very clever spin-off of the phrase, "Keep Austin Weird" and i must say i was kind of inspired by the t-shirt... so much that whenever I see one, I believe I will buy that bad boy! Indeed I will buy it. I will buy that shirt!

Do you get the idea here? Already I have become so absorbed in the Abilene culture of bordom that I am willing to buy a t-shirt that exclaims my absolute happieness about bordom... what? Now that I think about it... I did think it was really fun to drive the 30 or so miles just to see the wind turbines... twice... in one day...

Zane Post 8-21-09

Zane: I took this amazingliy awesome and mind blowing picture at sunset here in Abilene dude. Even if you dont like it, it looks way better on my iPhone.... TRUST me.

Brennan Post 8/21/09

Hi. I'm Brennan Utley.

This is an amazing video that I took on my i phone

The beauty of it gets me everytime.

I hope you enjoy it too.

Read Me

The new age has come.

The Age of the BZ blog.

Theologians and scholars predicted a future event like this would occur.

And now it has.

And now everything will change.

All you've known will be destroyed.

Replaced with a new life.

A Brennan and Zane life.

Are you ready?

We don't care.

Welcome.